I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
