I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
