Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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