you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
