sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
