my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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