dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
