Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
