I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
