I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
