could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
