So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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