Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
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