she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
