I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
