Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
