i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
