i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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