You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
