It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
