Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
What a dumb baby whore.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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