he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
