I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
