i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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