3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
