Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
