Have you finally orgasmed yet?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
