I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
