Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
