My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
