You just made me feel so damn special
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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