the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
me + whiskey = a bad person
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
