So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
