girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
