I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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