I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
