dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
