i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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