He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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