found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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