I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Randomize
