can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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