i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
