the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
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