If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
