Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
