I smell stomach acid.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
