Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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