I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
