Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
