i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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