he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
