Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Randomize
