It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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